rivercrow

I dreamt of a table covered in wooden boxes. Each box was a cubic foot and made of coarse-grained wood, with dove-tail joins and metal corners.

Beside each box was a matching wooden lid. Each box was open, but I could not see the contents of any box from my perspective. I needed to pick each box up to look inside.

I approached the table and picked up the nearest box. Inside were bee’s wax candles of various colors, a jar of hair and nail clippings, a deck of cards wrapped in a piece of silk cloth. There was a stub of a candle with grit stuck in the melted wax. I remembered the night of this candle, solstice of ‘91, alone at midnight on Heggie’s rock…the last night I trusted in the darkness for protection. I remembered the starlight on the granite and felt the rock beneath my feet. I closed the box and set it aside.

The next box held a string of lights, several glass bottles, wilted carnations, and dried leaves. I felt his curls against my cheek, heard Mahalia sing, and tasted ouzo. I closed the box and set it aside.

The third box held a smaller cardboard box. The cardboard box enclosed a maple urn filled with ashes. My clothes were powdered with dust and speckled with down feathers. I smelled baby powder and burnt rubber. I set the box aside.

The fourth box held a photograph, a scrap of yarn, a metal ring, a paperback, and a collection of multicolored pens. I heard a chorus, felt sand in my shoes, saw stars bloom overhead, and heard a dial tone in a quiet night. I closed the box, and set it aside.

I walked from the table to the window and gazed outside. The sun shone bright on the dunes and sage and glittered off the mica fragments. A rain had fallen and desert blossoms glowed against the ground. In the distance, grey-blue mountains were crested with snow. The sky rose protectively over me as the room faded. I smelt sage, the dry sand, and the moist earth. I heard the wind move the sand across the ground and the distant pant of coyotes.

I walked to the edge of the canyon where the Green River fed a fertile basin…and stepped off.

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