rivercrow

I can watch my own responses to invalidation. It feels like I’m on a conveyor belt and I can’t stop it–it’s frustrating.

When the invalidation starts, I start knotting up inside. This is a cue to me, and I will begin to analyze the feeling. I know the feeling well enough–especially if my first instinct is to self-invalidate–so I will counteract by acknowledging the feeling and self-validating.

I then will pursue gaining validation from the individual I am having a problem with, usually. In some cases, this is a bad idea, and I drop it. Pick the battles. If the person is someone I consider a friend, then I do make the attempt, consciously. Usually more than once.

If the attempt fails, and I still feel the need for validation, then the conveyor slips into a different gear. The desire to wound and harm becomes overwhelming, and becomes action. I notice this is when I will tend to engage in minor self-mutilation. Also, my buffers become more noticeable, and I withdraw and detach (true to E5).

If the invalidation originates from someone I have allowed very close to me, then the 4wing tendency kicks in and I feel increasingly abandoned. This is a bad combination. Invalidation leads to feelings of abandonment naturally, and it’s compounded.

Small wonder I cage myself away.

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